Sipability: This rating is just as it sounds. How good does this liquor taste when sipped straight or on the rocks? Sipability is ranked on an absolute scale. The determination of whether or not to pour the drink over ice is determined by the most popular way to drink said liquor. We feel it is important to have an absolute scale to help you decide what you could enjoy over the rocks after a long day at work or to start a serious night of drinking.
Shootability: This rating shows how good the liquor is to shoot. Since most people shoot certain liquors (such as most tequilas) rather than sip them, we use this rating in place of the sipability for certain alcohols.
Mixability: This rating will tell you how good the liquor tastes in a mixed drink. We take the liquor and use it to make a standard mixed drink or two to see just how well the liquor plays with other, perhaps more fruity things. Note that some liquors will not have this rating, as we see it as a crime to mix things such as Scotch with anything but ice or water.
Drunkability: This rating is our determination of how hard the liquor hits you in the buzz department. Not all liquors are created equally in this department, and some brands tend to offer up a heftier buzz than others. This ranking is all about how fast the liquor will get you singing karaoke when you know you really shouldn’t.
Hangover-ability: This rating exposes the more dirty side of liquor. How do you feel in the morning after a night of drinking this liquor? Are you bouncing around and frolicking in the sunshine, or are you praying to the porcelain god? This ranking is useful in selecting a liquor to drink on the nights before important daytime activities.
Bang for the Buck: This rating reflects how tasty and how much punch the liquor packs for the price you pay. Is this ‘top-shelf’ liquor really worth the extra money? Is the ’special reserve’ really all that special? This ranking is your answer. We use a super-secret formula (thanks for your help, Agent Smith) to make this value more objective. This formula takes into account all of the other ratings we have assigned, the price we paid for the bottle, and the price one would expect to pay for a decent bottle of the reviewed spirit type. Although a very useful tool for both the cheapskate and the budget-minded consumer alike, this value is not used in the computation of the overall rating. We want our overall rating to reflect the quality of the liquor alone. The reviewer will still comment on the value for the price, but this will only be reflected in this rating, not the overall one.
Chick-appeal: You might think that scotch on the rocks is the only choice when ordering a drink from the bar, but should you also get one for your new lady friend? This rating will give you the info you need. We bring in guest female tasters, get their opinions, and pass them on to you. This doesn’t factor into our overall ratings, since we don’t always have willing females around; we just think it’s a good thing to share when possible.
The Review Process
We perform our reviews with no fewer than three reviewers present. We start by getting a tumbler for each alcohol being reviewed and putting four ice cubes in each one. We then fill each of the glasses to the same mark. Every reviewer takes a sip and records a rating. If a liquor merits a shootability rating rather than a sipability rating, then we prepare half-shots for every reviewer to take, and then his individual ratings are recorded. We then add a mixer or two to the liquor to prepare mixed drinks (excluding some liquors such as Scotch whiskey). Everyone then takes a sip of the mixed drink and records his own rating. For these first two categories, the numbers recorded from each reviewer are averaged to produce the ratings for sipability (or shootability) and mixability respectively. The numbers are rounded to the nearest half. The other ratings are assessed by the individual writing the review. In the end, all four categories are averaged together with equal weights to produce an overall rating. This rating is rounded to the nearest half as well, and shot glass values are displayed.
What do the overall numbers really mean?
The Perfect Liquor: 9.0 -> 10.0
Excellent Liquor: 7.5 -> 8.5
Good Liquor: 6.0 -> 7.0
Bad Liquor: 4.5 -> 5.5
Disgusting Liquor: 4.0 or lower